After a long effort to survive, the Phillies Hopes of Making the Post-season in 2007 passed away on Wednesday. They were 145 games old.
Though autopsies will be conducted by numerous establishments, it is quite clear that the cause of death was a terminal case of pitchus horrificus. Hopes was diagnosed with pitchus horrificus after Freddy Garcia failed a radar gun screening, though early symptoms were first noticed decades ago, shortly after Steve Carlton left the team. The radar gun screening led to further tests such as team K/BB and ERA+, which were also consistent with pitchus horrificus (also known as Matt Beech Disease). Eventually, the losses caused by P.H. were too much to bear and Hopes succumbed.
For much of the summer, the Phillies Hopes were cared for by an exceptional offense comprised of Dr. Chase Utley, Dr. Jimmy Rollins, and Dr. Charlie Manuel. Dr. Pat Burrell joined the case late but could not make a difference and Dr. Ryan Howard provided occasional consultations.
The Phillies Hopes are survived by Phillies Hopes of Making the Post-season in 2008, Phillies Hopes of Making the Post-season in 2009, the Phillie Phanatic, and Chris Wheeler.
Though fans may feel the need to send arrangements of petunias, the symbol of pitchus horrificus, surviving family members request that fans simply retain their faith in next year.
