Hi, I'm a Philadelphia Eagles fan, and I'm here to talk to you about a little known medical condition called Eagles apnea. It's a affliction suffered by millions of people every weekend.
Do you find yourself subconciously holding your breath from the moment the football is snapped until the play is whistled dead? Does this happen on every play, whether your team is on offense or defense? Do Jeff Garcia's frenetic happy feet in the pocket exacerbate the condition? Do you turn blue if Brian Westbrook is slow to get up off the turf after a tackle? Are you considering installing oxygen masks to automatically drop from the ceiling on third and long in the room your have your television?
Did you actually pass out from lack of oxygen just prior to the game-winning field goal on Sunday while babbling something to the effect of "please not a Romo, please not a Romo"?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may have Eagles apnea. The good news is, you don't have to live with Eagles apnea. There is help available.
[If used in excess, may lead to extreme headaches, dehydration, possibly even vomiting, an interest in less-than-attractive people, and loss of employment. Please see your local beer distributor]
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