Somewhere in the Delaware Valley, a very disinterested receptionist answers the telephone:
Receptionist: Hello, thank you for calling 1-800-MY-LEMON, how can I help you.
Caller: Yes, I think we've purchased not one but two lemons.
Receptionist: [apathetic sigh / eye-roll] Sorry to hear that. OK, what are the make and model?
Caller: Two middle infielders.
Receptionist: I'm not sure I am following you sir.
Caller: This past winter, we acquired Abraham Nunez and Alex Gonzalez.
Receptionist: Sir, those aren't cars.
Caller: No, but they are lemons.
Receptionist: [suddenly perking up a bit] Wait, are they on the Phillies? I heard my ex-boyfriend Eddie complaining about them.
Caller: Exactly! Nunez and Gonzalez are collectively hitting .157....They are 13 for 83!
Receptionist: That does sound bad.
Caller: Bad?! It's horrible. What's worse is that they are killing the team when it counts. Nunez is hitting .062 in 16 at bats as a pinch-hitter, Gonzalez is .167 in 12 AB's as a pinch hitter, and both are hitting .100 with runners in scoring position!
Receptionist: But wait, I heard my ex-boyfriend lumping David Dellucci in with those two. I was mad he was doing that too, because Dellucci sounds Italian.
Caller: I wouldn't call Dellucci a lemon just yet. As a pinch-hitter, he is hitting .300, .235 overall. I don't think he is Italian though. He's from the South, they don't have Italians in the South.
Receptionist: Well, it sounds like you definitely have a case, I need to forward your call to one of our lawyers...Who may I say is calling? Is this Pat Gillick?
Caller: No, I'm just a fan.
[click]
Caller: Hello? Hello?
